I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
