If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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