Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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