Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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