dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
