I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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