I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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