Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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