At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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