**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Randomize
