Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
