i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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