Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
