im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
