I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just want nice things and good sex
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
