Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
