Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize