there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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