So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize