My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
