I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
