Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
