i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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