I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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