I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
