Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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