Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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