"it" just moved
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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