In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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