Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
