Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
