...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
