I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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