we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
