You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
