I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
