I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
