my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
