she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
