I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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