is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
