If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
