Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
