i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
