My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
