I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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