He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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