3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
