you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
