went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
