Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
