I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
