I wish my penis had an off switch
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I am available for nakedness
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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