i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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