we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
