life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
