but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize