is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
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