spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
