i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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