You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize