i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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