last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize