who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
