she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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