I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
