TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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