When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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