Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
