i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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