I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
sex in a hospital.. check
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
