I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize