shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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