he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
