I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
