some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
