WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize