Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
